Steves Altered Reality

Borrow money from pessimists-they don’t expect it back.
Dennis Miller

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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks

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You’ve got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

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There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.

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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

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The radical right is so homophobic that they’re blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

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President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

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The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board.

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Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation’s highways.

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One man’s Voltaire is another man’s Screech.

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