Steves Altered Reality

I met this wonderful girl at Macy’s. She was buying clothes and I was putting
Slinkies on the escalator.

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Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the
ocean would be if that didn’t happen.

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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn’t notice until I
got it set up. People complained because they couldn’t see the lake.

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You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re
reading, reading…and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed?  I’m
like that all the time.

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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I
stood in line for some cake. They said, “Do you want white cake or chocolate
cake?” I said, “yes”.

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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

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When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms
with me. I said, “Well, what do you need?”

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What’s another word for Thesaurus?

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It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo
cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of
the afternoon’s appointments.

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